This entry is for anyone who cares.
Nobody really reads LiveJournal anyway (at least MINE).
My friends, I have been through plenty; so much shit that it should make me break down and cry. I'm not a hero
...Heroes don't get weak in their knees and feel like throwing up and forgetting about what they've set out to do when the going gets impossible. I need reassurance. Am I doing the right thing? Or am I just letting myself down by pushing myself to impossible extremes. Am I a writer; or am I a poor excuse for a human being...a scrap in the waste basket of what was once a life I had complete control over.
This particular entry regards WAFFLEMAN magaZINE issue number 2
, much anticipated; and much delayed. The truth is, I've been seriously considering what I want the next issue to be. There have been people who have tried -with all the determination left in their sad suburban lives- to make Waffleman go away. He has become a symbol of abstract evil in surrounding suburban neighborhoods and is now lying dormant on the snowy hills of my imagination.
Problems arose with the planning process; and with my own personal devotion to the project. Coincidentally, the follow-up issue of Waffleman Magazine was put on hiatus.
For anyone who is in the dark as to why this happened, I will provide a brief -yet informative- explanation. The main reason was a serious lack of progress in a pre-planned agenda; and since I AM the current staff of the magazine, there is no one left to blame. I have proven to myself that I can be self-sufficient; and when I am, I am dangerous and offensive to some people who not only do not appreciate who I am; but do not appreciate the finer things in our-so-called life. What hurts more is I would still die for you.
The failed agenda, for those of you who haven't kept up to date on the wonder that is the thought-process, was to feature an interview with Adult Film Actress: Gauge
. I remain confident that this is still possible if I work a bit harder for it, but at the time, I am deliciously pessimistic. This interview was to be the featured article; as the interview with Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes was in the first issue. That interview; however, wasn't exactly planned for, it simply happened under my nose before I could control it; like a vicious dog and a blissfully ignorant child.
Let's fuck it up, boys, make some noise. I've moved past the idea of the interview, although I haven't completely dismissed it yet. I'm in the market for something interesting...My next idea, which I didn't share with anyone in particular, was for the next issue of Waffleman to be mainly a journal of activity in the making of "INSPECTOR MOUSTACHE: the movie"; which is currently growing more and more impossible by the hour, since that's not the kind of project I can take on completely on my own; and that's what it's turning into, despite a wonderfully accepting group of volunteer actors. I remain somewhat optimistic that this particular project will get off the ground soon; in one form or another.
Ah, and that brings us to our current complications, I believe. That was that, and this is this. Waffleman magazine was premiered at the Plymouth Meeting Mall comic store: Legends. Unbeknownst to the parents in the surrounding Plymouth Meeting area; the rest of the issues were given to Spaceboy Records on South Street where they quickly, and surprisingly sold out. Spaceboy has been incredibly generous; and will continue to be one of the main distributers of this periodical. As far as anyone can tell; this is far from a complication. The problems arose in the location that everyone KNEW about; and this was Plymouth Meeting Mall. Apparently, someone's bulldyke mother decided to steal the remaining few issues of a project that I slaved over and PAID for, in order to protect the eyes and minds of the children she has come to play caretaker for.
The next problem arrises from the fact that a particular cartoon displayed in the first issue made a little girl cry; so sad. I almost feel bad for the misunderstanding, but it had to be done. Few things are ever certain in this world; but when it comes to bringing someone who is pretentious down a couple notches, there is little time or reason for deliberation. The only problem with this little mishap was that a few months later, something happened that made my brain snap into action; and equal, but opposite re-action.
I was harassed by a police officer; and not just any police officer; a Blue Balls Department
Pig. It wasn't until after he'd left a message on my machine that I found out who this swine was working for; yes, ladies and gentlemen, the little girl who got all teary-eyed when she read that innocent comic strip in Waffleman Magazine. Her mother decided to send herself on a wild-goose chase and invade the personal privacy of each one of the young lady's friends in search of a copy of this dreaded first issue of WAFFLEMAN MAGAzine
. She should have come straight to me. I've got plenty.
It wasn't until later that evening that I found out what she really needed to do me in; or at least, what she settled for. The bitch printed out copies of my LiveJournal (yes! this one! the one you're reading RIGHT NOW!) and handed it over to the Blue Balls Police. This young man is harassing our daughter. The dirty fucker must pay for this serious crime! How dare he! It is your duty as officers of the law, and social babysitters to do something about it! Scare some inspiration into the boy. Make him paint white picket fences. That'll teach him.
Apparently I've said some choice things about the young woman who is a continual living insult to my intelligence; and the crooked pig thought he could do the same. Officer, lock me up. Throw away the key, sir. I've been a bad boy; a naughty naughty boy. Would you kids like to know the word that I was accosted for using to describe the lovely young lady?cunt
( P ) (knt)
n. Vulgar Slang
The female genital organs.
Sexual intercourse with a woman.
Offensive. Used as a disparaging term for a woman. Used as a disparaging term for a person one dislikes or finds extremely disagreeable.
Oh yes, I am a terrible terrible young man. If I were writing this all out behind a locked prison cage, boys and girls, I would be considerably worse for it. God as my witness; I checked a Thesaurus! Honestly, I really did. There are no alternatives for CUNT. A simple four letter word with no alternative? My sweet and gentle Moses, that must be quite a word; quite a powerful word to describe somebody who is merely disagreeable. This person must be a real...well...cunt.
You'll notice of course that my memory is a bit hazy; and I am adverse to using any names. I figure that I'm at least a bit safer from inane and arbitrary threats from pseudo-law enforcement if I can only refrain from calling any particular person a cunt; and perhaps just refer to someone, nameless and faceless, as a cunt. There's that dreaded word again! Throw me to the tiger cage! The shackles don't hurt, Charlie, I promise, I can take it!
On the brighter side, or at least the lesser of two variably bleak and dark sides, I have gained a newfound interest in writing, as you can tell from this lengthy and perhaps less one-dimensional Journal Entry; but, like ginny, that means nothing. If anything, it would provide a light to a seemingly endless tunnel...a tunnel that stretched far past the realm of apathy and into the violent path of socio-political leprosy; and I am all the better for it.
My current path is unclear, but it's happening, at roughly an estimated page-a-day rate; and soon -I can only hope- it will take shape without destroying me like Frankenstein's monster. This will be the next issue of Waffleman magaZINE. Deliciously evil and autobiographical in its own right. Time will tell as to just how violent and absurd my little story becomes, but I hope it will at least be enjoyable...and then comes the most mouth-watering bit...I plan on opening up the story to a new angle...If anyone will sink their tender open mouths into my lonesome, yet somehow appetizing, hook.
If anyone is interested, I am looking for Illustrators for a story-in-progress.
If anyone is further-interested, I may be looking for Authors to take aspects of my story-in-progress in their own little directions.
Jesus Tapdancing Christ, look at the time! Quarter after 5 pm! I've been writing for hours now and only just got to the visceral conclusion of my tragic tale and silent plea.
I expect that this entry will be up for quite awhile before I post an update, so for those of you who haven't yet picked up a copy of WAFFLEMAN MagaZine: Issue 1, there will be more in Spaceboy Records sometime very very very soon...
In the meantime, enjoy these links to some of the pages (or pages cut out) from the first issue.WARNING:
as if i really need to say this...the following links are for those of us mature enough to view them. There is nothing pornographic about the links below, and nothing that should be too offensive, considering what we've just been through in the paragraphs above. If you're not old enough, mature enough, or smart enough to be able to handle it and not call the POLICE (I used to think that parents had more maturity and common sense than their children, but I'd imagine they have to learn from someone)... DON'T click them. If any of the above is aplicable to you, you should go promptly and violently fuck yourself. I can't imagine how your Net-Nanny or other Parental Controled Internet Blocker let you into MY LiveJournal...Simple as that. Understood?
That being said; go crazy. Print them out, share them with friends, do whatever you want. Just realize that they ARE copywritten and have already been printed and published in January 2005 by All-Star Coffee/Chasing Enid Publishing. *ta-da*
(Ian's Page) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/ian.jpg
(Another Cover Page) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/fuckinitup.jpg
(A Moment With Lil Jon) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/amomentwithliljon.jpg
(Waffleman Is...) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/ebdf8765.jpg
(Page 2) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/5e598afd.jpg
(Page 3) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/ce5164fd.jpg
(Page 4) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/51356e55.jpg
(Page 5) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/779f2b29.jpg
(Page 6) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/525712d5.jpg
(Page 7) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/7ec93ff9.jpg
(Page 8) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/wafflemanis.jpg
(Page 9) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/5da8c41b.jpg
(Page 10) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/a105b236.jpg
(Page 11) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/5f14d35a.jpg
(One of the Greatest Pictures in the World, Arranged By Ian Gallagher) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/chasingenid/awesome.jpgComing Soon:
Waffleman MAGAzine: Issue 2
INSPECTOR MOUSTACHE: the movie
COOKING WITH SNUGGLE: Christmas Spook-Tac-Ular! Current Mood: anxious